Your Free Time

I saw my ex today. She's gained a lot of weight and has this weird hairy mole on her upper lip. She was smoking Lucky Strikes that gave off the odor of stale sweat and mushrooms. Then I poked her ass with a pin, and snuck off. That's the trick to sticking people with pins. You can't let them know who did it. You have to be sneaky. Also, I like to put a little ketchup on the end of the pin. So their heart might mistake the ketchup for blood. And then freak out. It never works, but I'll just have to keep trying.

It hurts on the inside

Don't tell my mother, but I watched two hours of TV yesterday, when I had actually only earned one and a half hours of TV time. It was hard to sleep last night because I felt guilty. Watching that extra episode of Teen Titans wasn't worth the bad feeling I got. I'm going to mow the lawn extra good tomorrow.

I got a new space mobile to hang in my bedroom today! I'm going to pretend I'm a cosmonaut and explore the mobile after school today. My school friend has to stay late for detention because he peed on the bathroom floor.

I'm normal now!

Hello, everyone. I decided to get into sports this weekend. So I started with the NLF. That's football, for everyone who doesn't know. I started by watching what is probably the most important part of football, the "draft." This is were teams "draft" young players who don't want to go to football, but there are a lack of people playing football, so they must be drafted to play for our country. Football is interesting!

Is there a way to bring a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, and not have the bread get soggy? This is ridiculous!

That is what it looks like

Hello everybody. I haven't squeezed my honey bear in a while, so he is getting hard gunk at the bottom. If pure evil looked like something, it would be hard honey gunk. Maybe I should throw this bear away.

TGIF! I'm not sure what that means, but people say it every Friday. TGIF to you all!

I don't think I made enough out of Easter this year. I didn't appreciate it enough. I had better make sure to appreciate Easter hard next year!

I got the Senate Member Star Wars Figure today! He's so cool!

Dead Things

Geese can bite it. Those ugly, loud, annoying, and plentiful birds can be hit by as many cars as they like. They can be left on the side of the road for days on end, while other birds come along and pick at their bones. The feathers slowly getting sticky with rot.

But dead ducks make me sad.

I get a Kix out of you

Here's something I bet you didn't know about me. I love Kix. It's me tested, and mother approved. The cereal is alright. But I really like the way it is spelled. It is like "kicks," like kicking a soccer ball, but it's not spelled the same. That is a very funny thing. I hope the guy who thought that up hasn't died yet. I would like to meet him.

I'm wearing the same t-shirt that I wore yesterday. Don't tell anyone. It's a little smelly.

Did you know that when cats meow, they are actually trying to talk? We just can't understand them. I think we should meet the cats halfway. They start speaking a little better, and we start listening a little harder. I know I'd love to talk to my cat.

A little early

Hello, everybody. Does anyone else feel that they won't be ready to see rated R movies when they're 17? I think I'll wait until I'm 21, just to be safe. I don't want Hollywood to stunt my emotional growth.

Why does the Caps Lock key get to be so special? Does it have any right to be partially indented? I rest my pinky on the A key, and it keeps slipping off. The Caps Lock key is bunk.

I've only had one glass of water so far today. Is that weird?

Rap Is Too Polite

Where does rap get off with it's excess of manners? If I'm uninitiated in the land of rap, I should be lost without a map. But, no, these polite rappers make it too easy for posers. If these posers don't know who performs a certain rap song, they need to do nothing more than wait for a minute. Because sooner or later, that rapper will declare who they are in the song. These introductions make it far too easy for any 13 year old kid from the suburbs to live the gangsta lifestyle. Rappers, please listen. Enough with the manners!

Frisbee is difficult

The main reason I don't like spring is all of the sports. You probably didn't know this, but I am not very good at sports. And I really hate frisbees. The way they hang in the air gives me nightmares. Mom has to give me a sip of NyQuil on those Frisbee nights. I still dream about frisbees those nights, but I don't wake up screaming with wet sheets.

Dad wouldn't let me borrow his hammer, so I haven't smashed my Peeps yet. Maybe my school friend can borrow one and bring it over.

Only 253 days till Christmas!

Lost in a jungle gym

Why don't adults get playgrounds? They have much more stress than kids. They sure could use a good game of tag, where the cedar chips are lava, and if you touch the lava then you are it. That seems like it'd be a lot more fun than a power lunch. Or maybe a big pit of multicolored balls is just what the doctor ordered.

Did you read the newspaper this morning? Garfield totally put Jon in his place.

These Peeps are getting pretty rock hard. I'm going to get my dad's hammer and try smashing them. Maybe I can invite my school friend over to watch.

Bye!

You're All So Dirty

It's a dirty dirty world out there. You shouldn't touch anything without wearing gloves. Even your "loved" ones. You don't want any disease or negative thoughts being transferred into your wretched body. Try not to look anyone in the eyes either. That's how people can control your mind. And then they'll tell you to take off your gloves, which you will. And then comes the sickness. Please please please, wear gloves all the time.

And wear wool ponchos.

What dreams are going to be coming?

I had that dream again where I murdered my sisters. The one where I lay them down in a big cardboard box with lots of pillows and a record player. And then I seal up the box and let them die. Then I spend the next 4 hours of sleep feeling sad about what I did. Also, in my dream, I was not good at basketball and people were making fun of me. I get enough of that when I'm awake.

I was out of peanut butter this morning, so I have a regular butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. I bet it will be really good.

Did anyone watch that rerun of Friends on TBS last night? Joey was doing something funny. I giggled.

Bye!

Things That Can Kill You

Hey there. Did you know that pretty much anything can kill you? It's true. You need just enough water to cover your nose and mouth to drown. A Q-Tip whipped around by a tornado can pierce your heart. A small child can kill an old man with a smile.

I guess my point it to be careful. It's really easy to get killed. Death is in every Lego block and handgun.

I am a wonderful thing

When you're younger, your parents always tell you that you're special and cool and handsome. But it's a very special day when you realize that they are right. Today I am that special, cool, and handsome boy. Because I got a grownup tie without Marvin the Martian on it.

Coffee Trial - Day 247 - Took two sips of coffee today. Spit out the second sip. I'm going to make myself like this stuff! It just takes time!

Does anyone else stay in when there's a full moon? I don't like the risks.

That's all I got for now.

I am talking like a big boy on the internet

Hello, boys and girls. It's Danny Washington here, wishing you a happy hello. I love using the internet, so this is a fun chance to use it some more.

You know how some people on the internet like to meet each other? Maybe we can do that too. Or maybe we can talk on the phone. Or maybe you have an internet camera. That's kind of like meeting. Please keep all of your clothes on. I do not want to talk to scary people.

Did you know Hanson was still making CDs?

It's really warm outside today. I guess. I've been busy playing World of Warcraft in my basement though. I'm almost able to make really cool bandages! I am so excited!

That's all I have for now. It is nice to meet you.